January 19, 2007
~Randomly...
I went to Anna's house to watch the edited video of her wedding day. That's also my debut performance as door bitch in the gatecrash. Pretty entertaining. Splattering of naturally-accented Mandarin and the plastic fan that Ade passed to me. 3.5 star for entertainment; 3 star for bitchiness. Because I can be way more bitchy, most other days.
All these weddings I've attended (and it's only 2 last year, vis-a-vis 3 this year) are making me feel 1. old; 2. envious; 3. touched. And they seem to restore a little faith in a relationship or even a marriage, even if only for a short while.
xxx
We went to see Anna off at the airport today. To London. The inevitable result of Victor's job posting.
When we were in sec sch, her dream career was to be an air stewardess. So that she can be paid to travel for work. I guess, aside from Wenn, she's the other one in the group who's been travelling quite a fair bit. As close as she can get to her dream career from those younger days. Yet, she said she thinks this would be the last time.
I never had a dream career. Not even in those younger days. Hmm.
xxx
I don't know what exactly it was, from the conversation we had this morning, slacking at McDonald's, that got me pretty upset and depressed for the whole of the afternoon. Till I cried. Till I got into my mood of indifference again. Till I dragged my feet to the classes that I was relief teaching today.
It felt like the path of possibilities that I told you about, it's not there anymore. I don't know where I am anymore. Thrown right back into my limbo stage.
I disciplined myself enough to make my way to the cc for my cardio class. I was in the toilet cubicle, supposedly changing into my exercise gear. Then, I lost that discipline. I told myself I would go jogging alone instead. So I did.
I must be getting fitter. Because I jogged for an hour. And, according to the directory map of Bishan Park, I jogged around 4km. I think that's bloody commendable. *pats myself on the back*
And, I had a total of 4 full meals today. Consisting of 1 breakfast, 1 lunch, 1 early dinner, 1 supper.
I have a feeling my legs are gonna ache tomorrow. Nice. At least, pain feels real.
xxx
This thing about real and not real. Damn it. It's damn ridiculous.
xxx
'People think dreams aren't real because they aren't made of matter, of particles. Dreams are real. But they are made of viewpoints, of images, of memories and puns and lost hopes.'
Passengers, The Sandman Library: Preludes and Nocturnes.
I told you, both are real. Reality and dreams. Equally real.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 22:50